Thursday, October 11, 200711:29 PM
okay, this is going to be a pretty negative and emo post. skip it if you want.i asked myself smth today. what is my motivation for living. staying alive.
and i dont have an answer for that. i have no motivation at all. no wonder i also think about dying and stuff. oh well, i always feel that i wont live long and stuff... like i will die in about 2 years kind of things. and no, its not to remind myself to live my life to the fullest. in fact i feel like i am just living my life for the sake of it. i am quite tired of my life actually. i dont mind dying now. i really dont mind. guess the only thing that is stopping me is the pain i may feel before i die. well, if i can die a death without any pain, just bring it on. i can just die now.
oh gosh. this post sounds so sadistic. but seriously, i am feeling quite dead now. i feel like i have wasted a lot of my life. i lead my life to please people around me. to entertain them and make them happy. but who understands? its like other peoples' happiness is built on my agony, sadness. but it all doesnt matter now.
yamapi!!!<3
